Not Knowing
by JusttxJaycie
Summary: When James starts ignoring Lily at the beginning of their seventh year, Lily starts to think about where her feelings concerning James stand. LJ oneshot.


A/N – Writer's block is a very bad thing. The only thing good to come out of writer's block is that for some reason I can write one-shots, which I can't normally do. Anyway, enjoy this and I'll get the next chapters of my other stories up as soon as possible. This is unbeta's by the way. Please excuse any spelling and grammar mistakes you may find. As always, R & R.

Disclaimer - I do not own Harry Potter. Trust me; if I did, Blaise would've been mentioned way before HBP, Ginny would stop moving from guy to guy; she'd be with Blaise and no one else. And Lily, James, and Sirius would still be alive. Alas, all the wonderfulness belongs to the brilliant J. K. Rowling, who should write more Blaise!

Stepping through the barrier that separated her two worlds, Lily Evans realized that this would be the last time she would ever step through as a Hogwarts student. Just the thought was a little depressing. She gave the scarlet steam engine in front of her a long look and sighed. She glanced at her best friend, Becca Alcott, and saw Becca doing the same thing as her.

"Are you thinking the same thing I am?" Becca asked Lily.

"The reality of this being our seventh and final year at Hogwarts?" Lily smiled sadly.

"Exactly," Becca sighed.

The two girls started walking towards the compartment they usually shared. They dropped off their things and headed to the prefect's compartment. The closer they got, the more Lily dreaded walking in there. She had gotten Head Girl, but she had no idea who the Head Boy was.

"And Alex said he didn't get it?" Lily asked Becca when they were almost there.

Becca didn't even have to ask what she meant. "I asked him. He said he didn't get it. Neither did Remus, according to Riley."

"Who could it be then? Ever since second year we've thought Remus or Alex would get it…"Lily mused.

By this time, the two girls had reached the compartment. Becca made to slide the door open and said, "Well, there is only one way to find out." Lily grinned at her friend and opened the door. She glanced around at the people already there, stopping to greet friends. Becca had already walked over to where her boyfriend, Alex Zabini, was standing with Remus Lupin. Lily walked over to the trio.

"Hi Alex, Remy. How were your summers?"

"Not bad. Yours?" Alex said. Lily shrugged. "Pretty standard."

"Lils…anyone told you who got Head Boy yet?" Remus asked. When Lily shook her head no, Remus glanced at Alex. "I think someone should tell you. Before he gets here."

Lily glanced from Alex to Remus. She knew she wouldn't get anything from Remus. The guy was a master at keeping secrets from people. Alex, on the other hand, had been known to spill the occasional secret or two. "Alex?"

"Sorry, Lils. It isn't going to be me. I rather fancy staying alive." Alex told her. Lily sighed.

"You know, I'm not going to kill you for saying a name." Lily said.

"This one you may, Lils." Becca told her friend.

"The only name that could make me that mad is—" Lily faltered. Her friends were giving her the look. The look that could only mean one thing. "But…no. He wasn't even a prefect. There is no possible way that the Head Boy is—" This time, Lily was cut off by the compartment door flying open again. All four Gryffindor seventh years looked over. Walking towards them, with the Head Boy badge on his chest, was the only person whose name could make Lily want to kill the person who said it--James Potter.

"Moony! Alex! Becca!" James said loudly. "It's great to see you guys again. How were your summers?" As her friends answered James, Lily stood confused. James had been in her presence for about a half a minute already and had yet to ask her out. He hadn't even acknowledged that Lily was standing there.

"_Maybe he didn't realize I was here? Or maybe he has finally given up!"_ Lily thought. _"Nah. He's has persisted this since first year. He hasn't stopped now. I wonder what is wrong…"_ Lily's thoughts were interrupted by Becca.

"Lils, shouldn't you and James start the meeting? Everyone is here." Lily glanced around and saw that everyone was there.

"You're right, Becc. Sorry, I drifted. Lost in thought." Lily faked a laugh. "Come on, Potter. Let's get this over with."

"Of course, Evans." James said, coolly. The two called the meeting to order and gave the standard orders of patrol the corridors and hand out punishments as you see fit. Also, do not abuse your power and report any prefect you see doing so. They gave out the passwords to the common rooms for the start of the year and then the meeting was over. Throughout the entire thing, James treated Lily as if he hardly knew her. After they had let everyone go, James and Remus walked to the compartment where the other two marauders and Alicia Diven were sitting, while Becca, Alex, and Lily went to their compartment.

Waiting inside were their friends Riley Burket and Lexa Calister. Becca and Alex greeted the two, but Lily remained silent, looking out the window, watching the scenery pass as a blur.

"Lils? What's wrong?" Riley asked. Lily looked at her blond friend and sighed.

"I don't know. That's the problem. I can't figure him out!" Lily burst out.

"Who?" Lexa asked. At the same time, Becca said, "James?" At Riley and Lexa's questioning looks, Becca elaborated. "For some reason, James has been acting as if he hardly knows Lily. He didn't say two words to her, except to talk about Head's things."

"Well, that's a good thing, right Lils?" Lexa said.

"Yeah. You've always said you wish he would just leave you alone and now he is. What could be wrong with that?" Alex said.

"Nothing is wrong with it. I just don't understand it. Last year he asked me out at every opportunity. Now, nothing. Not even a 'Hey Evans, how are you?'"

"Don't let it get to you, Lils," Becca told her.

"I've never let James Potter get to me and I won't start now." Lily said. Even so, she spent the rest of the train ride sitting in silence, watching the blurs and listening to her friend's conversations.

A few days later… 

The door to the Gryffindor seventh year girl's dormitory flew open and slammed shut, just as fast. Lily stormed in, her cheeks as red as her hair. "Still nothing?" Becca asked.

"Not a word. I just walked by him and his cronies and said hi. Nothing. Everyone else answered me but Potter was suddenly interested in his Potions homework for the first time in seven years." Lily fumed.

Becca watched her friend silently fume and smiled a little. She still didn't get it. "Lily, if it is bothering you this much, just go talk to him. Ask him _why_ he has been ignoring you for so long."

"I can't do that, Becca. You know as well as I do that Potter is up to something. I can't just go and _ask_ him. It's not like he would tell me anyway." Lily rolled her eyes. "He'd probably decide that he actually did want to write that Transfiguration essay."

"Well, maybe one good thing will come from all of this," Becca drawled. When Lily looked at her with confusion in her emerald green eyes, Becca continued. "Maybe James will actually get something _other_ than a P in all his classes."

Lily looked at her friend incredulously. This wasn't the time for jokes. Becca saw her friend's look and threw up her hands. "Right. Not the time for jokes."

"Yeah. I'm going to go to my dorm. Do that Transfiguration essay. I'll talk to you later, okay?" Lily said.

"Okay. But, Lils? It's James Potter. Don't let him get to you," Becca said. Lily rolled her eyes and threw the door open again. She flew by Riley and Lexa without even saying hi.

"James again?" Lexa asked Becca. Seeing Becca's nod, Riley said, "She still hasn't figured it out?" Becca shook her head and sighed.

Two hours later 

The portrait hole to the Head's living quarters opened. Lily glanced up from her essay to see James Potter walking in. He was by himself for the first time since school began. When James saw Lily, he started to hurry to his room.

Lily saw his trying to get away, but she called out, "Potter. Potter! …James?" Hearing Lily say his real name made James stop instantly. He slowly turned to face Lily.

"You have _never_ called me James. Not in seven years." James said softly. Lily stood up, and walked over to the window. Looking out, she said, "I know." There was silence for a couple of minutes.

"Is there a reason you stopped me? I was going to work on that Transfiguration essay." James said. Lily smiled a little when she heard this, remembering her conversation with Becca. She slowly turned to face James. "What's been going on lately, James?"

"I have no idea what you mean."

"You have hardly said anything to me since school started, a week ago." Lily said. James looked at her, an emotion she was sure she had never seen before reflected in his eyes. Still, he said nothing. "Why? I mean, usually you would have asked me out at least fifty times by now." James laughed a little, knowing what Lily said was true.

"You have said for seven years, all you want is for me to leave you alone. I have been." James said, simply. He turned and walked into his room. A couple minutes later, he came out with his broom. Lily was still standing in the same place. When she saw him she said, "I thought you were going to work on the Transfiguration essay."

James shook his head. "I was going to. But now I need to fly." He walked out of the common room. Lily shook her head and walked over to her unfinished essay. She looked at it for a couple of minutes then shook her head. It was no good. She couldn't concentrate. She closed her eyes, going over what James had said in her head again. She thought of the past seven years. She thought of every time James had asked her out and every time she had turned him down. Suddenly, it hit her. The reason this had been bothering her so much. She missed him. She missed arguing with him. She missed turning him down every time he asked her out. She missed watching him do stupid things with Remus, Sirius, and Pettigrew. She missed his flirtatious nature. She just all around missed the one guy she thought she hated.

She jumped up and glanced out the window again. It looked right over the Quidditch pitch. She could see James flying, even though it had started to rain. He was weaving in and out of the hoops. Lily smiled and watched him for a couple more minutes. Then, she took off running out of the portrait hole and down to the Quidditch pitch. She ran through the rain, shouting James's name. He glanced down and saw her. He flew down to her.

"Evans? What are you doing down here? It's pouring," James told her. He tried to lead her under the stands, and out of the rain but Lily just shook her head.

"I'm sorry!" she shouted over the sound of the wind.

For the second time that day, James was motionless. "What?"

"I'm sorry. And I was wrong. I don't want you to leave me alone. You were right all along. I just didn't see it until now!" she said.

"Right about what, Lily?" James said, confused.

"I don't hate you. I've never hated you, James. I – I think…I think I love you." Lily told him. James looked at her for a couple of seconds, not believing what she said. Lily leaned up to lightly brush her lips against his. She pulled back, and looked into his eyes. James realized that Lily was serious and leaned down to kiss her again. Lily wrapped her arms around his neck and the kiss deepened. James couldn't believe he was kissing the girl of his dreams, in the middle of the Quidditch pitch, while it was raining. When oxygen became an issue, he pulled away and smiled at her. Lily smiled back and grabbed his hand. James grabbed his broom with his other hand and the two walked towards the castle.

They walked up to Gryffindor Tower, to where their friends were. When they walked in, Sirius was the first to see them. "There you two are. We were worried when you didn't come back, Prongs."

"Why are you dripping wet?" Becca asked them. The two looked at each other and smiled again.

"It's raining." James said, simply. Alex looked back and forth between the two and said, "She finally realized?"

James nodded. Becca, Riley, Lexa, and Alicia squealed while Lily looked on in confusion. Sirius threw Alex eight Galleons. Lily looked up at James. "What did I finally realize?"

"We've known for years that you like him, Lils. It's about time that you realize that too." Becca told her friend. Lily looked up at James again and smiled. She leaned up and kissed him.

"Yeah. I'm pretty glad I realized that myself!"

A/N – What did you think? My first one-shot. It seemed really sappy to me, but I actually like it. Crazy, huh? Anyway, please review! I love reviews and it would mean a lot to me!!

Love ya,

Jaice


End file.
